I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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