i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize