i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
