She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
