Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
