oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just google imaged poop.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize