im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
