can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
