You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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