community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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