I hate your face
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
