it hurts more in the daytime
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
