got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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