I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
whose ass print is on the piano?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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