i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
