when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
