Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
