she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
