I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
