I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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