From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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