Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
