so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
