i jhust puked up my retainher.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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