She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
