in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.