dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.