you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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