We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
