My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize