Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
