Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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