haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
