i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
