A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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