also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Drake has all the answers
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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