I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
