Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
