i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
