I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize