these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
