So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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