You work out of a Hotel?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
