Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
