The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
