I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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