i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
