someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize