Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You're like the curious george of whores
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize