I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
