Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
