then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
