About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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