I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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