I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
