Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I love black thongs
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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