I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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