She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
