I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
